To summarize: The Force Awakens was about as unoriginal and poorly crafted as a fan fiction written by a child, then funded by Disney.
Episodes 4-6 are my favorite movies of all time. I do this out of love for them.
Everyone is excited about the new Star Wars sequels and while
there is much to celebrate, the first movie of this new trilogy also left a lot
to be desired. Over all the film's greatest strength is actually the comedy.
The action sequences were sometimes good, sometimes mediocre. The drama and
story were bad. I don't mean just 'meh', I mean genuinely sub-par,
unacceptable, failing-grade, bad. Two Reasons:
1. The plot was poorly strung together with a large number of idiotically
convenient coincidences that are both too many and too outrageous to get a
pass. The writers clearly had no idea how to connect the dots between the plot
points, so they just made characters bump into each other and get pulled apart
without any logical reasons, or interesting storytelling. (See list number 1
below)
2. There is a huge difference between connectivity/themes versus straight-up
copying and repeating old ideas and plot devices. All fans of Episodes 4-6
noticed the numerous, blatant rip-offs from the original trilogy, there is no
denying it and the excuse that it "pays homage" to the original
trilogy is B.S. This isn't a tribute band trying their best to sound precisely
like the originals, this is supposed to be an New movie, CONTINUING a story,
not repeating it. (See list number 2 below)
List number 1 - Here is a brief list of the random circumstantial
twists of fate that held together this garbled plot over the course of the
film:
1. My biggest problem with the whole movie comes first: They NEVER explained
WHY Kylo Ren turned to the Dark Side. Because his Grandpa was on the Dark Side?
He somehow got his burnt helmet/head and talks to it...cool...? That's it?
That's all we get? He's a really whiny, lame bad guy and we don't even get a
reason?
Vader switched to the good side at the end and killed the Emperor - didn't Kylo Ren hear about that part of the story? Did he not get the point?
We know too much about Kylo to NOT get a cogent and compelling motive for
why he is evil, or how he was seduced to the dark side. No one questioned why
Vader was evil at first, because they didn't know he was Luke's father. Once we
found out Vader was Luke's father, it became a compelling mystery. Right off the bat
we learn Kylo is Han and Leia's son and he kills his father, but the writers
were too lazy or sophomoric to find an opportunity to EXPLAIN their main
villain's MOTIVES.
When you barely know anything about a villain, it doesn't seem to matter why they are a villain. When you know that the villain is the child of heroes and somehow freaked out and switched to the dark side...they kind of need to explain How and Why that incredibly important character is a villain.
2. They never explained who that old man was Poe met on Not-Tatooine. He gave Poe that partial map of the galaxy that would lead to
Luke - which is the key to the whole first half of the movie - AND the old man knew who Kylo Ren's parents were. Clearly he was important. He
was played by a relatively well-known actor, and the movie NEVER explains
who that old dude was or why he had a partial map of Luke's whereabouts or how
he knew about Kylo Ren...wtf
3. After Finn and Poe crash onto Not-Tatooine, Finn just happens to wander
to the desert oasis where Rey is fighting off scavengers trying to take
BB-8. Finn knew he needed to find BB-8, but before he could even start
looking, he bumped into BB-8 at the very first place he wandered to from out of the
desert.
To reiterate: What are the odds? Of all the areas he could have found up on an entire desert planet he crash lands on, he wanders the desert for 1 day, and the first place he finds is the same oasis where the droid he is looking for is...
4. After Rey and Finn just happen to steal the Millenium Falcon from the
barterer in the desert oasis, they are immediately boarded by Han Solo and
Chewbacca as soon as they leave the planet. Han and Chewy apparently were just hovering over Not-Tatooine, doing shady
stuff while waiting for their old ship to float by. They specifically explained
that Han and Chewy lost track of the Falcon. But they just happen to bump into
it in the vastness of an entire galaxy?
5. Han Solo takes the gang to some copy of the Mos Eisley Cantina - this time
on a forest planet. In the basement, in an old wooden pirate chest, is Luke
Skywalker's lightsaber. When they ask why it is there, the alien hostess of the Not-cantina says "that's a story for another time." Ok...Bad writing,
but at least they kind of admit to it and promise an explanation later. Hopefully we
only have to wait 2-4 years.
6. Who would have guessed that the Not-cantina full of shady alien
pilots/smugglers/god-knows-what would include a spy for the bad guys AND a spy
for the good guys?! They both call their respective guys at the same exact time
because they both are already on the lookout for poor BB-8. Cliche is putting
it mildly.
7. The Not-Death Star shoots all the Republic planets, which happen to be
lined up in the same solar system as the Not-cantina forest planet. So Han Solo
and the gang can look up and see a bunch of planets blow up at the same time.
Not only does it seem astronomically unlikely that so many planets would be
lined up in a solar system, so they blow up in a neat row like that, but the
odds that all the Republic planets are in the same solar system of a Galactic
Civilization...that's just stupid and we all thought so when we saw that scene.
8. Finn and Rey have their respective immature freakouts at the Not-cantina
at the same time just so they can be separated at the correct moments when the
bad guys blow up the Republic planets over their heads and when the bad guys
come blasting in to blow up the Not-cantina without killing anyone important.
9. BB-8 has a partial map of the galaxy that it is not enough to lead them
to Luke Skywalker. BB-8 tries to wake up R2D2 but C3PO says "don't
bother". At the end of the movie R2D2 will wake up and magically has the
rest of the map. Why did he wake up then? Why not sooner? Or later? Or never
for that matter? Why then?
10. Kylo Ren is Han and Leia's son - Why is his name Kylo Ren? Why isn't it
Kylo Solo or Kylo Organa, or Darth Kylo? Who knows! It was not explained. I
doubt it ever will be.
11. The good guys decide they need to destroy the Not-Death-Star and Finn just
so happened to work on the Not-Death-Star in the sanitation department...and he
happens to know exactly where the G-spot is on the Not-Death-Star in order to
blow up the whole planet. Do you think that the Pentagon tells their plumber
where all our nuclear warheads are located? Do you think a bottom-level
stormtrooper in the sanitation department would be entrusted with the location
of the part of the planet that - when destroyed - will blow up the whole planet
in a manner identical to the way the Death Stars were both blown up?
12. Han, Chewy and Finn sneak onto the Not-Death-Star planet and just so
happen to capture none other than Captain Phasma as she is walking along a
hallway alone. Nevermind that the facility they are on is the size of the
continent of Asia and Phasma is in full battle armor, just walking around by
herself in halls and rooms where there are no guards or security cameras or
anything like that. They never explained how they found Phasma or what they did
with her after they were done with her.
13. After they make Phasma turn off the shields, they want to save Rey...and
Han points out a window...and there's Rey...she just so happens to be climbing
that exact part of the side of a man-made Grand Canyon. Again, this is a
continuous structure that spans an entire hemisphere of a planet, but she just
happens to be RIGHT THERE, right next to them. This isn't like strangers
meeting by pure chance - this is 1 group of people specifically looking for
another person, and without trying, for 1 second, they happen to see that
person, when they could have been anywhere on the entire planet they were on...That
happens twice in this movie...The same insanely bad writing is repeated twice
in a single movie. That's actually impressive in a sad way.
14. When Rey is fighting Kylo in the snow forest, the planet is starting to
blow up and the earth under their feet is breaking up. Just when Rey has Kylo
on his back and she's about to strike the finishing blow, the earth splits
IN-BETWEEN THEM. Kylo is saved, neither he nor Rey are swallowed up by the
millions of tones of earth that are shattering and crumbling directly under and
literally all around them. Unrealistic from a geological perspective and
downright childish from a writing perspective. L.A.Z.Y.
15. After Rey, Finn and Chewy return from their mission without Han, Chewy walks right past Leia without either of them even looking at each other...think about that...
In A New Hope, Leia and Chewy hug when Luke and Han shoot down the Tie Fighters chasing them out of the Death Star.
In The Empire Strikes Back Han tells Chewy he has to protect the princess while Han is frozen.
In Return of the Jedi Leia and Chewy go into Jabba's together in a ploy to rescue Han.
They were all close. And then the person that they both loved dies, and they don't even look at each other, much less talk, or hug, or cry together...That was an obvious, logical, perfect moment for the writers to pluck our heart strings by showing two of our favorite characters mourning the loss of the person they both loved, another of our favorite characters...and they just blew past it, even though it was the only logical thing to do...
Even after weeks of reading other people's reviews and "defenses"
of these and other criticisms of the film, I have yet to hear any defense that
definitively convinces me to let go of any of these deus ex machina/plot
holes and examples of awful, lazy writing. The best defenses I've heard to explain unexplained missing pieces are only fan theories - the problem is,
those are just our theories, we should not need to make up theories. A good
story would not have had these problems to begin with.
Maybe you weren't that bothered by some of these. Perhaps even most of them. But 15? 15 moronic deus ex machina and plot holes and examples of bad writing or missed opportunities for good writing? Can you really call this a good movie after reading all of these?
List number 2 - Going WAY overboard with the repeated plot devices,
J.J. Abrams does not appear to have a single creative bone in his body, because
the essential elements of this movie were almost entirely copied and pasted from
the older movies. Here is a brief list of just some of the important things
that were totally unoriginal in the worst way possible:
1. The Not-Tatooine desert planet. We all thought it was Tatooine. Why wouldn't it be? It looks just like it and we all thought so. Is there some
particular reason why they have a planet that looks just like Tatooine, but
specifically has another name? I cannot imagine any reason that would excuse the fact that it was just a random copy of Tatooine. I would not have been upset if they had set that part of the story on Tatooine - that wouldn't have seemed like an outrageous rip-off...but the fact that it's just LIKE Tatooine, without being Tatooine...that's just annoying.
2. A droid with essential information is sent out into the desert because
the bad guys are after him. Sound familiar?
3. Poe, who sent BB-8 running is kidnapped by the bad guys and forced
to give them information under heavy interrogation. Just like Princes Leia -
except she got hit with truth serum instead of the Force.
4. The droid wandering the desert with essential information is rescued from
scavengers by an orphan with latent Force powers and no life. Again...this is a
copy in spirit as well as specific details. It's painfully identical and I see
nothing nostalgic or "homage"-y about this, this isn't a tribute,
this is just another stupid, lazy rip-off.
5. Han Solo returned to a life of shady deals with criminals and although he
no longer shoots first like a bad-ass cowboy, his hilarious bumbling attempts
to pacify criminals is reminiscent of the sort of distractions that filled out
the original trilogy without lending anything to the main plot at all. If you
think about it, in Episode 6, the entire sequence of events involving Jabba the
Hutt have nothing to do with the rest of the story - except that they needed to
rescue Han. This time the ridiculous monster-chase through the space ship is
even MORE of an unnecessary distraction. Similar to Episode 6 in spirit, if not
an exact copy.
6. The blatant Cantina rip-off is full of bad polka music played by a band
composed of one alien species, plus a half-dozen pan-shots and medium-shots of
weird aliens and droids drinking and smoking and babbling in alien languages. They
practically copied the Mos Eisley cantina scene shot-for-shot, except for the
main character's conversations. It is definitely not a cool enough setting or
scene to excuse the lazy rip-off aspect. Tell me you didn't think of Mos Eisley
when you saw that stupid alien band playing their awful polka music. Don't lie to
yourself, friend.
7. The bad guys have a giant planet-size gun/fortress. This time it actually
is a planet that they turned into a gun/fortress, instead of a fortress/gun in
the shape of a planet. It's bigger than the Death Star and can destroy multiple
planets with a single shot.
Oh, but it's totally different because it's fueled by the sun, so, you know,
there's an original plot device - we can visually calculate when the gun is recharging
and when it will be ready to fire again (or be destroyed just in the nick of
time). Convenient, I'll give them that. But original?
This must be one of the most unoriginal, in-your-face rip-offs of all. It
was so obvious that this extremely-important plot device was being copied from
Episodes 4 and 6 that they literally take the time in the film to compare the Death
Planet to the old Death Stars as a sort of pre-rebuttal to the millions of fans
who were frowning when they realized this was happening...They KNEW they were
being lazy and ripping off the old movies and they tried to address it and push
past it before we could speak out.
8. It turns out the bad guy is a blood relative of the good guys. No one has
ever done that before. Ever. "Homage"? Really? This counts as "Homage"? Are you sure it's not just that the writers couldn't think of a creative angle for their main villain, so they just copied the old movies?
9. A two-pronged attack is used to destroy the Not-Death-Star planet: A
small landing force has to take out the shields, while a hot-shot pilot and
his red-coat team of expendable fighters drag out a losing dog-fight until it's
time to blow up the Not-Death-Star. Literally exactly how they destroyed the
second Death Star in Return of the Jedi. What possible defense is there for
this mindless rip-off?
10. In Episodes 1-3, I loved the new space ship/fighter designs, the armor
and uniforms on both sides of the battles and other touches of different
technology from another era. This movie showed scarcely any changes even though
roughly the same amount of time has passed as the time between Episodes 3 and 4.
The First Order stormtroopers are just a little different, but the tie-fighters
and x-wings are virtually unchanged and otherwise the scenery is barely ever
shown. The cinematography is way too focused on close-ups of people's faces and
gives us hardly any broad views of scenes at large. So what settings and
scenery we get appears to be identical to the old movies, and the only
difference here is that there was not enough scenery in general. Probably
because they knew they didn't have anything cool to show off. Terrible.
Believe it or not, if you cared to try, you could definitely find even more aspects of this movie that were directly stolen from the old movies - and I don't mean subtle, clever "homage" nods, I mean lazy-a-f plagiarism.
All of this is to say that although I am a huge fan of Star Wars Episodes
4-6 and although there were a lot of funny moments and a few interesting parts
of The Force Awakens - overall, I am EXTREMELY disappointed because of all of
the above. The writers did a half-assed job of moving the plot with a bunch of
happy coincidences and their story was pieced together with mostly unoriginal
repeats of old ideas from the original trilogy. Also at no single moment did I
hear any new soundtrack score that was compelling. I loved the original Star
Wars soundtrack by John Williams and I actually liked several of the songs from
Episodes 1-3, but maybe I need to watch this movie again to catch any original
score, if nothing else.
P.S.
I was pissed off by the way they killed Han Solo like that. I mean I sort of
saw it coming when he kept walking closer to his crybaby son, even though what
I was REALLY hoping for was that their meeting would shine some light, ANY
LIGHT AT ALL on why the main villain is a villain.
P.P.S.
The final scene where Rey is trying to offer Luke his lightsaber and he's
just standing there, staring at her, with his mouth hanging ever so slightly
open like a really heavy person who has trouble breathing, is AWFUL. The camera
keeps going back and forth and back and forth between Rey looking like she
wants to cry and Luke looking bored, and then it just ends...in silence. They
should have said Something! ANYTHING! Anything at all would have been better
than that idiotic, mindless, brain-fart silence that dragged on so long. Either
make the silence shorter, or SAY SOMETHING. Here's just an example, right off
the top of my head, of what could have been said (just a rough first draft,
obviously it would need editing):
REY: "We've destroyed the First Order's base, but the fight is not
over...The Resistance needs you."
LUKE: "No...They need you."
REY: "I'm not a Jedi."
LUKE: "You will be."
Something like that. Anything. Jesus christ, what a shitty ending. They
tricked us into holding our breath and then left us holding it - BUT NOT IN A
GOOD WAY. That was just dumb. J.J. Abrams is a hack.
